How My Relationship with Alcohol has Shifted
This past weekend I went out to a concert with friends, and it was the first time I realized how much my relationship with alcohol has changed. In case you are new around here I’ll give you a bit of background. During college I was quite the partier, by this I mean I was binge drinking 3-4 times a week. Unlike my friends who were drinking to go out and have fun, I was drinking to cover up my insecurities and mask my feelings. Each time after I went out drinking I would wake up the next morning with a wave of anxiety, but sure enough it was a constant cycle for me all throughout college. When I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression my sophomore year I began taking medication, however I changed nothing else about my lifestyle. I continued drinking each weekend, while my anxiety and depression continued to play a larger role in my life. My senior year of college I decided to stop taking medication, and by this point I had already been studying nutrition for a couple of years. However, it wasn’t until I graduated that I took a serious look at factors that played into my mental health, one of the biggest ones being my alcohol intake (another being nutrition choices + the sheer fact that that’s just how I’m wired, but for the sake of staying on topic I’ll save those posts for another day). Just to be clear, it was not an addiction, it was just the environment I was in. However, I did have an unhealthy relationship with it.
Fast forward to moving to California after graduating college. At this point it was pretty easy to cut alcohol out of my life. I was in a different environment, completing my internship, and to be completely honest with you at the time I didn’t have any friends to go out and drink with even if I wanted to! Cutting alcohol out of my life wasn’t hard, but what was difficult for a while was figuring how to handle it when I was in social settings. Again, it was never an addiction and I do still want enjoy to drink occasionally – just not near to the extent that I was. The anxiety around being in any social situation with alcohol was there for a while - when I would go back home for weddings, or go out with friends I had a hard time figuring out how alcohol fit into my life. So, I know what you are probably thinking- why didn’t you just cut it out completely? I hear you, that’s an option, but I do enjoy drinking on occasion and letting loose. I am in no way saying you have to drink to have fun, but honestly I am proud of myself for digging deep and doing work on the inside which in turn healed my relationship with alcohol as well.
This leads me to now. On Friday night I went to a concert with friends, and I had more drinks than I usually do. Honestly I don’t really drink that much at all. I’m not the type to pour a glass of wine with dinner, I literally have hard kombucha in my refrigerator still from the 4th of July. That being said, when I do drink it comes from a place of simply having fun. Not trying to fit in in social situations or trying to mask feelings. I want to be super careful with my words here, because again I am not saying you have to drink to have fun, but instead I just want to encourage you to take a look at your why behind your choice to drink. Are you drinking to mask something – something you don’t want to face, a hard day at work – or are you simply drinking to enjoy yourself. When I woke up after going out this past weekend it was the first time in a long time that I realized my relationship with alcohol had changed. I didn’t have an overwhelming feeling of anxiety (yes, there was some because again that’s just how I’m wired), but instead I had a feeling of thinking how great of a night it was with friends even though I had a few more drinks than usual.
OKAY – I definitely feel like I’m rambling some and being quite repetitive. I just wanted to address this topic because I think that often times if something isn’t severe (AKA I wasn’t an alcoholic, so I never thought I had a toxic relationship with alcohol) we don’t think it is anything to be concerned with. This doesn’t just apply to this situation, but I feel like if it’s something I was suffering with, surely others are as well. While this is not a topic I am an expert in I just felt the need to share my experience after realizing the other day how much my mindset around drinking has shifted over the years. The point of this post is not to tell you whether you should or shouldn’t drink, but it is to encourage you to think about why you are choosing to do so. If there is any negative feeling coming up as your motive for drinking, that is when it’s time to reevaluate. If anything I’ve learned I actually rarely like to drink and choosing not to often provides me with more energy, mental clarity, and empowerment. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic!